life is pleasant.

so hows everyones existance?
i figure you'd all like to know.... perhaps "Why" im so fucked in the head.... so i figure itd be pretty kind if i give you the whole pleasant (abbridged) story.
But first things first.... why do i currently feel like ramming a shiny piece of lead through my skull? well lets just break it down into a list, shall we?
1. My sister is well.... a stupid bitch?
2. My mother is well..... oblivious as to the fact that bad shit happens to me?
3. My faith in christianity is like.... dead and gone or something because in part...
4. My Christian friends (bar kale) have decided not to talk to me.... mmmm snub....
5. Despite my best efforts at being nice, while contending with my whole "fucked in the head" which ill get to later... Alex Lahey, who i guess i cant change, decided to be abit (a fuckload) of an asshole to me... which i guess is to be assumed.... but still nonetheless, hurts me when i tried.
6. i loathe myself because im a complete asshole and only a few people see it.

well thats all i can stand to think about at the moment.... im sure my brains repressing more... but lets leave it at that...

okay... reasons to live?
1. ELA... because i know she loves me and i love her. (GET FUCKED SOCIETY)
2.Sebastian.... even tho i havent seen him in ages, regrettably..... ive really been missing his company....
3.Rachie... cause shes little and cute and sweet... and a great sister
4. Becca... cause shes really just great company.
5. Cam + school friends.... cause i guess theyr good people to know...
6. Missy.... cause my cat, despite beliefs she is satan incarnate... gives great advice when i need it
7. Everyone who wants me to kill myself (lahey) because im going to show them what real fear is
8. My laptop which im writing this on... cause its shiny......
umm if ive forgotten something, please put it in comments....
also
to all my friends, especially the above mentioned reasons to live...........this is kinda out of character....
I love you people with all the emotion in my fucked up life... and although cam will call me gay and missy will tell me she hates me.... i seriously care about you people because you give me reasons to survive and to keep fighting.... and yeah... i promise i didnt get all teary writing this...lol.....*looks shifty*
well thats all i can think about at the moment.
i guess i live another day.....