As promised P1?

Hey y'all..... i guess i promised that i'd tell u all the full rather dull details of my fucked up existence.... so with much repression, i introduce
THE FUCKED STORY (part 1?)
well yeah... it all started about 6 years when mum and dad still lived together under this roof and i was still a little bright smiling little child(god forbid).
well mum and dad used to scream and yell at eachother CONSTANTLY over everything... and it was usually after i'd "gone to bed" so they never figured i was listening...
i still remember countless times where i'd hear them screaming at eachother, and, as ashamed i am to admit it, i would sit and cry because of it....alot....
well then there was my sister, who used to dig her nails into my arms and pull bits of skin out (fuckin HURT) and i could never go to mum and dad because they were always too busy bitching at eachother....
yeah thats when karinas picking on me... the (abuse) started... that never really stopped, it just changed to physical + mental abuse
and now its just mental abuse.....ohwell...
so first time i tried to kill myself was when i realised mum and dad were too busy fighting to give a shit about me or anything.... that was pretty gay.....
then it kept going... eventually i realised that my life had this habit of falling apart frequently, and i got SO fucking sick of it...... so after it had done that pretty badly, i kinda tried the 2nd time.....
that didnt work, knowing my own luck (gay) and so i kept living for a while....
life started seeming to be a tad less shit, although not by much, i admit, it was something.....
so i was okay around this time.... and then when everything started to look up, everything, as it does, fell fucking APART again... and after a few months of that i tried again..........

ok so this brings us to about where i am now.... pushed to the floor, getting the air kicked out of me.... with very limited numbers of reasons to live, and even less that actively TRY to keep me going (thankyou ela, i LOVE YOU)
so in summary....
thankyou to my parents.
thankyou to my sister
thanky0u to everyone who made it worse in their own small way, u know who u are.


i love you Ela.
Until next time...... i will leave you with some wise words.
P1"whats the only thing worse than wanting to kill yourself?"
P2"i dunno.. whats that?"
P1"not being allowed to."

life is pleasant.

so hows everyones existance?
i figure you'd all like to know.... perhaps "Why" im so fucked in the head.... so i figure itd be pretty kind if i give you the whole pleasant (abbridged) story.
But first things first.... why do i currently feel like ramming a shiny piece of lead through my skull? well lets just break it down into a list, shall we?
1. My sister is well.... a stupid bitch?
2. My mother is well..... oblivious as to the fact that bad shit happens to me?
3. My faith in christianity is like.... dead and gone or something because in part...
4. My Christian friends (bar kale) have decided not to talk to me.... mmmm snub....
5. Despite my best efforts at being nice, while contending with my whole "fucked in the head" which ill get to later... Alex Lahey, who i guess i cant change, decided to be abit (a fuckload) of an asshole to me... which i guess is to be assumed.... but still nonetheless, hurts me when i tried.
6. i loathe myself because im a complete asshole and only a few people see it.

well thats all i can stand to think about at the moment.... im sure my brains repressing more... but lets leave it at that...

okay... reasons to live?
1. ELA... because i know she loves me and i love her. (GET FUCKED SOCIETY)
2.Sebastian.... even tho i havent seen him in ages, regrettably..... ive really been missing his company....
3.Rachie... cause shes little and cute and sweet... and a great sister
4. Becca... cause shes really just great company.
5. Cam + school friends.... cause i guess theyr good people to know...
6. Missy.... cause my cat, despite beliefs she is satan incarnate... gives great advice when i need it
7. Everyone who wants me to kill myself (lahey) because im going to show them what real fear is
8. My laptop which im writing this on... cause its shiny......
umm if ive forgotten something, please put it in comments....
also
to all my friends, especially the above mentioned reasons to live...........this is kinda out of character....
I love you people with all the emotion in my fucked up life... and although cam will call me gay and missy will tell me she hates me.... i seriously care about you people because you give me reasons to survive and to keep fighting.... and yeah... i promise i didnt get all teary writing this...lol.....*looks shifty*
well thats all i can think about at the moment.
i guess i live another day.....