5 months today.

today should be a good day....
infact today should be a great day...
i have been with my amazing beautiful perfect loveable stunning girlfriend who i probably dont deserve for 5 months now...
but today...wasnt a good day....
today was a bad day
a black day
and i want to forget it
and lots of people hate me
and i hate me
and i feel so fucking awful inside and i dont know why.
and i mean it hasnt even been an awful day
i just
i feel fucked
stupid
wrong
broken
messed up
like a freak
and i know "pure hatred" will go to town on today...
but for once, i think i probably deserve pure hatred to rip into me...
so what the hell
pure hatred
go for it
like i give a shit anymore
the only little light in the darkness
is the fact that i know i wont hurt myself thanks to some great advice that my amazing beloved gave me....which im not quoting.
well i cant think of anything else
im okay tonight
okay #2